dorling kindersley books

PARENTING & CHILDCARE ADVICE
Dr Miriam Says...

I'm expecting a baby soon but it looks like I'm going to end up being a single mum. I'm currently in a real state because my relationship's falling to pieces and I can't work out whether it's going to be a good thing or a bad thing for me or the baby. Can you help?

In the first instance, don't panic about being a single mum. There are many positive things about being a single parent and your baby won't be affected by it. Here are just some of them:

• You've made the right decision if you're a single parent because your relationship has ended - it's better for your baby to live with one contented person than two who are quarrelling.
• You'll become a stronger more independent person because caring for a baby alone is a great achievement.
• Single parents tend to bond much more closely with their babies because they don't have to share their love between a partner and a child.
• Grandparents, aunts and uncles often get more involved and supportive if there's only one parent and the baby benefits from all that extra love.

I hope that you find your feet soon enough and enjoy your new, independent life with your baby.

We recently had our first child but it's been very tough on both of us. We're tired, often cross with each other and don't seem to have any time for ourselves. What are we doing wrong?

If you're trying your best to rear your baby then you aren't doing anything wrong. A new baby isn't all plain sailing. Instead of bringing them together, many couples are shocked to discover that having a baby can highlight slight differences that can cause friction.

Most new parents underestimate the amount of work and disruption caring for a baby entails. They also underestimate the extent to which this affects their relationship.

Don't worry - it's entirely normal for this to happen, and it's often more difficult for Dads to come to terms with their new situation. Many Dads say that paternal feelings can take a long time to develop, whereas most new Mums bond strongly with their babies within a few days and - of course - are much more fully involved in childcare from the outset. Look upon the first few weeks and months as a period, a phase, during which you both grow into parenthood and begin to lay the foundations of your new roles. Don't forget to make time for yourselves: take up any offers of babysitting, have time-outs together (however short) and evenings together. You'll find that, even if it's been tough at first, you'll begin to relish parenthood after a while.

When my child's ill with a fever, should she stay in bed?

Take your lead from your child. There's no need to keep a child with a fever in bed, though she should stay in a draught-free room where the temperature is fairly constant.

The room doesn't have to be particularly hot - if it's comfortable for you, it should be warm enough for your child.

An ill child will want to sleep a lot, but when she's awake she'll want to be with you - make up a bed for her in the room where you're working so that she can see and hear you.

This will also be easier for you as you won't have to keep running to and from her room. If your child is very tired, it's better to put her to bed. But remember to go and visit her regularly so that she doesn't feel left out. While she's ill, waive discipline and give her some treats, too. She deserves them!